I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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