How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
