my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
