Will you blow on my dice?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
