I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
