Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize