it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
