if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
