you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
