I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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