We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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