I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize