i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
