I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize