she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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