escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
