my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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