Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
