I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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