I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
operation have a gay friend backfired
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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