My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
