i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
