I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
