At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
