Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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