Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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