Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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