he puts the penis in happiness.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize