I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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