theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
