i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
