I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
