Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
