ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize