Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
