Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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