I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
