Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize