so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's blow job season.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
