the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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