Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
