Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
