I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
