i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
