Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
