physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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