dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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