Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
