How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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