I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
