how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
