When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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