my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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