Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
