3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
