I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
