So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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