I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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