my shit smells like andre
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
