My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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