You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize