All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
