hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
