you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
