I need to stop coming to work sober
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
