Someone shit on the floor
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
