I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
