i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
