Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
