i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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