Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
