My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
