if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
