Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
